I guide super capable women to find the courage to make big change happen in their lives.
Being courageous is not about some storybook idea of facing challenges without fear. Rather, practicing courage is about confronting life in an honest and pragmatic way. It's about being real with yourself, exposing yourself to difficult feelings and experiences, and above all -- learning to trust that only you know what's best for you.
I work with women who juggle work, family, side-business and so much more. They are used to confidently taking care of themselves (and often everyone else in their lives!)....
But when it comes to the things they want to change in their lives -- they're feeling overwhelmed and uncertain of how to get going. While they've found tons of inspiration in personal growth books, blogs and Oprah's Super Soul Sunday guests -- this DIY approach is really working to help them see real change happen.
I work with women who want to make change, and need a partner to make it happen. Learn more about my coaching approach.
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So you’ve been thinking a lot about leaving your job-ending your not working anymore relationship-doing a TedX talk-starting online dating-training to run a marathon... but well, you just don’t feel like you’re ready.
You’re not sure when you’ll feel ready, but it’s definitely not now. Maybe when work is less busy. Maybe when your daughter starts kindergarten. Maybe when you lose 10 pounds.
Here’s the thing - there’s never going to be a day when you wake up and feel 100% ready. It just doesn’t work that way.
When things are most important to us - all kinds of critical voices come up in our heads telling us we’re not ready.
NEWSFLASH: those voices, they don’t want us to try something new. They live to protect us, and their job is to keep us from experiencing pain and disappointment.
So you need to move past them, and try anyway because if there is something you want to do, something you feel like you need to do…. you’re going to need to start moving on it before you feel totally ready.
And you’re going to need to let yourself feel: uncomfortable.
Here’s how Webster’s defines it:
1: causing a feeling of physical discomfort
2: feeling physical discomfort
3: causing a feeling of being embarrassed or uneasy
Here’s how I define it: An opportunity.
Wanting to do something and spending precious time dreaming about it, worrying about it, and even suffering over it - this is normal. It’s part of the process of making change.
But once you know you want (need!) to make something happen in your life, you can easily get stuck in the “waiting until you feel ready” stage well, forever, unless you allow yourself to understand that you’re never going to feel totally ready.
Instead of waiting to feel ready, you’re going to need to just start, and let yourself feel a little (or a lot) uncomfortable while you’re at it.
But here’s how it’s also an opportunity:
You uncomfortably take that first little step.... and then voila, you experience a feeling of relief-pride-satisfaction not just for what you’ve done - but also because you did it even though you didn’t feel ready!
It’s true. Why not try it? Ready to let yourself feel a little uncomfortable along the way toward feeling relief-pride-satisfaction!?
If you could use some inspiration and tips about how to get started making change when you don’t quite feel ready why not join The Courage in Action Telesummit.
Coming to your inbox beginning on May 26th, you'll get video interviews from 13 experts including myself, Kate Courageous, Fabeku Fatunmise, Laura Simms, Rachel W Cole and Molly Mahar who will share their very best stories, insights, tips and courageous practices that you can start putting into action in your life immediately. RSVP now, it's totally free.
Have you ever heard a voice in your head say “You can’t do that”, or maybe “You’re never going to get that” or maybe, just maybe “You definitely aren’t pretty enough”....
That voice saying that mean spirited stuff - she’s your Inner Critic. She’s been around a long, long time, so you may be pretty used to her and think she’s actually some real, true core "voice of you".
Well, she’s not. She may have been around a long time but she’s not a real, or true or any kind of core voice of you.
Because the inner critic can sound SO MEAN - the natural instinct - if you’re attempting to manage her, is to be mean back to her. To try and fight her down or tell her to shut up already.... If you've tried that route - I'm curious - how'd that work for you?
Even though our inner critics speak in a really mean spirited way - what she is actually are trying to do is protect us. The inner critic voice tends to grow out of a wounded place from sometime in our childhood, adolescence or young adulthood. A time that was difficult, painful, a time of suffering. Our inner critic’s job is to protect us from experiencing that bad stuff again.
For example - my inner critic really likes to protect me from getting my feelings hurt about my body image and looks. This one dates to about age 12. She likes me "safe", doing nothing new, and definitely not trying to pretend I can do it with all my masses of physical imperfection.
And I used to listen to her. In fact, totally believed her. (Sound familiar?)
Now, when she pipes up, I will hear what she has to say - but instead of believing, and then running the other way - I remind myself she’s just trying to protect me from possible injury... and I'm not say, really the fat, ugly, totally unlovable person she’s conjuring.
I work a lot with clients on their inner critic and we practice something I call “Stop, Acknowledge, Move on”. When they hear their inner critic voice they follow this practice:
1) Stop, take a pause and notice that it’s the inner critic speaking
2) Acknowledge her for what she has to say ie. “Ok, Inner Critic, I hear that you think I’m never going to be able to do that because I suck at “X”, but it’s important to me and I’m going to give it a try anyway.”
3) Then they move on with that moment, day, their life…. rinse & repeat as necessary.
What does your inner critic like to say about you? Drop me an email or leave a note in the comments below and let me know. I’d be more than happy to offer you some thoughts on how to manage her.
If you would like to learn more about your inner critic and how to manage her, we’ll be spending some quality time on this in my upcoming virtual course Your Courageous Purpose. Would love to see you there!
HELLO + WELCOME!
I’m Vanessa Soto, a certified life coach who helps guide super capable women to find the courage to make big change happen in their lives.
Because I have the distinct ability to offer expertise, support and perspective along with pragmatic tools and resources, I help my clients to create the big and lasting change they want.